Thursday, December 31, 2009

Update

My dad indeed does have a perforated colon again. The only good thing is that his iliostimy he has in is pumping all of it out of him already. That's why he is not as sick this time. The surgeon who did his last surgery is off until Monday. They are going to send him home today on lots of antibiotics, and then do the surgery on Monday. Both my mom and my dad are very happy that he can go home until the surgery. My dad wants to have a nice big steak tonight for New Years. Plus it will all give us time to mentally prepare for this once again.

Please pray that his surgery will go well, and that this is the last time this happens.

WE NEED LOTS OF PRAYERS

We need lots of prayers please!!! They think my dad may have another area of his colon that is perforated. We are hoping they are wrong. My dad is in a catscan right now. They feel the abcess was caused by a hole in his colon. They said the tumor is so close to his colon, it keeps wanting to attach. A side effect of his chemo can also cause a hole in his colon.

PLEASE PRAY....

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Update

My dad is doing well! He should be able to go home tomorrow. He will still need to get IV antibiotics for the next 5 days. They'll have a home healthcare nurse come in to administer them. We are all just so thankful and so happy that my dad is feeling better, and is on the road for recovery for now.

Today is my first day back at work off of Maternity Leave. Honestly - I am happy to be back. I love my job, and love my co-workers! It is nice to get back into a routine. Plus it gives me some well needed me time and quiet time. I am really looking forward to going to the Y today to workout. I need to start to battle this mama mush!!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Update on my dad

The cultures from the abcsess came back that my dad had a strep infection. They want him to stay in the hospital for a few more days so they can treat him with IV antibiotics. He is pretty dissapointed, but we keep telling him we need to make sure he is well before he goes home.

He has a drain in right now that is draining the infection. He could possibly have it in for a month. He will go back next week and have a catscan. If it looks like the thinner liquid is all drained, they will put in a bigger drain to drain out more of the gunk. I told him at least he will be evened out now - he has his iliostomy bag on one side, and his drain on the other side! My poor mom - just one more thing for her to change everyday.

My dad is eating great again! He hasn't really ate anything in a month. Yesterday when he got back from his surgery, he had a double whopper. Then last night he made my mom go to Mr. Cinders for him. He ate a steak sandwhich, onion rings, and a coke! Today he ate McDonalds. Not the healthiest choices, but we are just thrilled that he is eating and has an appetite again! This is the best he has looked and felt in a month. We figure he has had this infection for at least a month, but they thought he was feeling so horrible from the Chemo he was on.

Today he is getting an echocardiogram, and a chest x-ray as a precaution. They are also testing his urine and stools to see how far the infection spread. When he was admitted he also had a urinary tract infection.

I just hope he gets to go home on Thursday so he can celebrate New Year's Eve from the comfort of his own chair. We know that 2010 is going to be very challenging for us. Probably even more of a challenge then 2009 was. But for now we are celebrating! With Cancer you need to take it one day at a time.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Update

My dad just got back to his room. We actually got some good news. The lump in his back was indeed an abscess. He had a ton of infection in it. He has a drain in it. This is good because we were not sure if it was his tumor, or an abscess. This is also encouraging news because maybe this is why he has been having more pain in his back lately.

We still don't know why he got the abscess, or what the next course of treatment is. But for now, we will hold onto and enjoy any bit of good news that we can.

Update on Dad

Dad will be having a procedure today at 2:00 to try to drain an abcess. We are not sure if it is really an abcess, or part of the tumor. If it is part of the tumor, it grew significantly.

Today has been really hard. We realize now that my dad is dying. We just keep praying to all of our angels above, that when it is time, please take my dad fast. I don't want him to suffer.

Last night my dad thought he died. He woke up in the hospital, and it was dark and no one was around. He started to scream. It makes me really sad and it hurts my heart to know how scared my dad is to die. Right now he is napping, and he said he feels better napping with us here, because he is not so scared of not waking up when we are here.

Overall he is doing much better. He looks and sounds 95% better then the last time I saw him. We are hoping that he will be able to go home tomorrow. His onocologist is in Israel right now for the holidays, so we will not know until next week how bad the cancer has grown.

As I type this I am watching him sleep. He looks so peacful. I keep wondering if this how it is going to be when he dies. Will he look so peacful? It's so hard to imagine, but I need to keep preparing myself for it. I feel if I do that, it won't be so hard when it happens. Although I know it will be.

I just keep trying to enjoy the time I have left with him.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Dad's in the hospital again

Yesterday we brought my dad to the emergency room, and they admitted him right away. He was still very confused. We asked him if he remembered anything from Christmas,and he said "I remember the awful dinner we had. We cut into the turkey and it exploded everywhere." We had prime rib for dinner. Then he peed blood, so we rushed him in.

When he got the the ER, he had a 102 fever. They did his lab work, and found out his blood is extremly thin. It is suppose to be at a level 2, and his was at 15. That explains the blood in his urine. So they gave him vitamin K and plasma to help start to put some clotting factors back into his blood.

They did a brain scan to make sure that he did not have any bleeding in his brain. So far that came back good, although they are going to monitor it closely because his blood is so thin.

His sodium level was also very low, which they said could also cause the confusion. The doctor is trying to figure out the source of his infection and fever now. He did an exam, and he found a lump with fluid on his back. He suspects it is an abcess. It is right by the other abcess he had last time. So today they are going to do a catscan. It is very scary and nerve wracking, because we will also get a look at the tumor to see how big it has grown.

We are all experiencing Deja Vu big time. This is exactly how his month long stay started in October. We just pray it is not that serious this time.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Hardest Christmas Ever

Yesterday was really hard. Harder then I could ever have imagined. There were a lot of tears on a day that is suppose to be so joyous and happy.

My dad was very confused and rambling and not making any sense. He was saying things that made no sense what so ever, he didn't know where he was at times, or who we were. It was very scary. My mom called the doctor, and they said maybe he was dehydrated. They told us to make him drink a lot, and he should stop the chemo pill.

We started making him take a lot of drink of gatorade. Within the next few hours, he started to come around a little more and make a little more sense. I felt really bad for my mom. It is now a 24/7 job for her to make sure my dad is being taken care of. And I felt really bad having to leave her there by herself with him. She gets so lonely, because all my dad does in sleep. She tries to make him eat and drink, and sometimes he gets so mad at her. A lot of time he throws food away and then tells my mom he ate it. I think he does it so we don't worry about him.

Yesterday was the worse Christmas ever. But I know I should still cherish it because we were all still together. My nephew was very upset. He is very close to papa, and it was really hard for him to see him that way, and not have him awake to share in all the joy of the day. I think we all realized yesterday that my dad really is dying. It gave us a glimpse into what is ahead of us. And all I can say is that place really sucks. I wouldn't ever wish this onto anyone.

I've been trying to figure out the past 6 months, if it is more of a blessing or a curse knowing ahead of time that your loved one is going to die soon. I don't know. I still haven't figured out what is best. In some ways it makes me cherish the time I have with him, and I am more prepared for when it does happen. But on the other hand, every event or time I see him is over shadowed by the inevitable.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Remembering Christmases Past

Today is Christmas Eve. Last night I had a bit of a breakdown when I came to the realization that this may be our last Christmas with my dad. I can't imagine ever celebrating another family event without him being there.

I have been thinking about all of the Christmases I celebrated. I remember the anticipation and excitement of Christmas Eve as a little girl! We would go to candlight service at church. The whole time all I could think about was getting to Grandma and Grandpa's house afterward so we could open presents. When we got home we would leave out cookies and a beer for Santa (my dad's idea of course)!

I remember waking up in my bed and wondering what time it was, and if it was late enough that I could wake my parents up to see what Santa brought us. My parents would walk down the steps rubbing the sleep from their eyes. I always wondered how they could be tired on a day like that! It's Christmas, how could anyone want to sleep in on Christmas?

We would open presents, and we usually got what we had asked for. I remember one year getting a Nintendo, and thinking that no other Christmas would ever top that year. Looking back, it's amazing knowing that my parents were the ones who provided us all those wonderful presents all those years. They always made Christmas special.

After presents, my dad would always make a faboulous breakfast. Eggs, bacon,toast, sausage, as we assembled and played with all the goodies Santa brought us. Long after I moved out, there were weekends I would stay at my parents house, just so I could have dad cook me breakfast in the morning. It is one of my fondest memories of him!

Even though this may be our last Christmas with my dad, I know that his legacy and traditions will live on through all of us. I hope to see the same excitement and wonder in my children's eyes on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. I will have Jason eat the cookies and drink the beer that we leave for Santa. We will make our kids a faboulous breakfast. And I will always dig deep inside me to remember the wonderful Christmases my mom and dad made for me as a child.

Merry Christmas everyone! May it be filled with wonder and magic!

Monday, December 21, 2009

Grandma

My grandma Maass is in the hospital. She has been have a lot of issues lately with her diabetes and her blood sugar crashing. It happend this weekend again, and at one point her blood sugar was down to 36. They are running tests on her pancreas at the moment to see why her blood sugar is so goofy. I know it is adding a tremendous amount of stress to a lot of my family at this already stressful time of year. They are going to try to get grandma and grandpa into an assisted living facility, which I think is the best thing for both of them.

McKenna being goofy

Friday, December 18, 2009

Ear Tubes

McKenna had surgery to put tubes in her ears this morning. It went wonderful, she was so brave. It took a little coaxing and creativity to get her to let them take her blood pressure and put the oximeter on her finger. Then we had to wait a half an hour for the surgeon to arrive. Thank god there was a television in our room, and Dora the Explorer was on.

When it was time for them to take her to surgery, I carried her, and when we got to the OR, the nurse took her from me. McKenna was fine, no crying at all. They said in the OR she did very good, and didn't cry or fight with them to put the mask on at all.

When she woke up in the recovery room, she was pretty upset. They said the anasthesia can make them emotional. She kept asking for Dora, which I think is pretty funny. She is obviously obsessed with Dora!

They brought us to the room, and Dora was on, so her world was all good again. They said she would be a little drowsy the rest of the day, and so far she is not. She is full of energy and her normal self!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009



Macey began smiling and cooing this week when she sees me. It is so much fun!!

Monday, December 14, 2009

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Santa Claus


Here is a cute picture of Macey and Santa. McKenna didn't like Santa, and wouldn't get within 10 feet of him! She has declared all week "I don't like Santa". I tell her that is okay, Santa likes you and will still bring you presents.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Maternity Leave

Well I have less then a month of leave left. It makes me sad because the first 3 weeks after I had Macey I had postpartum depression so bad, I couldn't enjoy her and the excitment of having a new baby. I just cried all the time and was so overwhelmed. Poor Jason, I think he thought that I was loosing it!

I got put on Zoloft, and what a big difference. It is like a curtain has been lifted, and I can enjoy my family again. I feel like I am only really getting to know Macey right now. Postpartum depression really stinks. It makes you feel extremly guilty, because you know you should be happy about this new healthy baby, but you just can't be. And that makes you feel even worse!

I am so HAPPY to have Macey and McKenna in my life!!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Sad

Today I am sad. Me and my mom had a very difficult conversation this morning about my dad and what will happen after he passes away. It is very hard to have to think of all of the things you need to think about. But we also have to be very realistic. My heart just breaks for my mom when I think of everything she faces when the time does come. I don't know if she'll be able to keep the house and land, and that makes me the most sad. That was my dad's dream property, and his pride and joy. It hurts me to think that she may have to sell it.

My dad did gain 2 pounds yesterday, but he has been taking more morphine lately, which means he is in more pain, which usually means the tumors are growing. I just pray and pray each and every day for a miracle, but I know deep down it is probably not going to happen. I need to start to prepare myself for the worse.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Thanksgiving


We had a very low key, very nice Thanksgiving. My dad ate from the comfort of his favorite recliner. I went to Thanksgiving in my pajamas which was nice. We had a Wii bowling tournament.

One funny thing that happened was McKenna was watching Dora in the spare bedroom. She came out and told me she pooped. So I grabbed a diaper and had her lay down so I could change her. I lifted her dress and there was no diaper on her! I went into the spare bedroom, and low and behold there was her diaper, and a trail of four turds on the floor! We don't know if he took off her diaper and pooped, or if she pooped and then took off her diaper dumping it every where. Thank god it was not a messy poop!

I am very thankful this year for my two healthy little girls, my parents, my wonderful in-laws, my job and co-workers, and my faboulous friends.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Update on my dad

My dad met with the Onocologist today. He thinks it is too soon too say the chemo he is on right now (sutent) is a failure. He said the tumor grew so much after the surgery, they can't be sure how effective this drug has been. They are going to put him on another round of this chemo, which is 4 more weeks, then they will do another catscan after that to determine how it is reacting. There is a combination drug they can try next, but it is more dangerous. He also said that he is not concerned about the spot on his liver. So all in all, it is better news then what we were expecting. Which is nice, hopefully we won't have heavy hearts on Thanksgiving, and can truly enjoy the time as a family.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Really Crappy Day

I've had just a really crappy day. Jason is off hunting all weekend, so I am all alone with the girls. Which isn't so bad, except McKenna is going through this jealous stage, that whenever I have Macey, she is so naughty. While I was feeding her today, she colored all over our bathroom door and cupboards with a magic marker. Thank goodness for Mr. Clean Magic Erasers. Otherwise Jason would have had a heart attack when he got home.

To top it off McKenna would not nap today for me. So not only is she jealous, but extra crabby. And Macey has been fussy all day. Then McKenna ended my night by pooping in the bathtub. What's up with that? Can I just say how disgusting that is to clean up?

But the worse news is about my dad. He went in to the Emergency Room this morning, because he thought maybe his iliostomy was blocked. They did a catscan. It is not blocked, but it showed that his cancer has gotten worse. And there is a new spot on his liver. They told him to call his onocologist on Monday to make an appointment. But we think they are really doing everything they can for him already. I am so sad, and depressed, and feel really alone right now. I am really trying not to let myself fall into a deep dark depression, but it is really hard. Especially since my husband, and all of my family is off hunting or living it up with weekend. This is when I feel like I need them with me, but instead I feel deserted. Which I know is stupid. Jason deserves a weekend of hunting, but I still wish he was here right now.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Friday, November 13, 2009

Life with 2 kids

Life with 2 kids is very hectic! We are trying to get into a routine! McKenna loves her little sister. She kisses her head, and then always says "I like the baby." It's so cute. She has adjusted extremly well. She gets into mischief when I am feeding Macey, because she knows I cannot get up and stop her from what she is doing!

Macey looks so much like her big sister Nevaeh. I can't get over it. Her nose, lips, and chin are identical. I spent almost every day for six weeks staring at Nevaeh, and now it is like looking at her all over again! It is kind of emotional for me. Sometimes I wonder if Nevaeh has come back to us healthy, as Macey. One can only wonder. Especially with all the down syndrome concerns with this pregnancy.

I packed up and put away all of my maternity clothes today. I know for certain Macey is our last baby, but it was still kind of sad packing away all the clothes. I want to donate them to the domestic abuse shelter, but Jason said we need to store them in the attic for awhile just incase there is ever an accident. I love my kids, but I hope there is no accident. We are out of room in our house, and out of money for daycare!

I am enjoying being on maternity leave and just staring at Macey as much as I can. I still can't believe this little girl is here and healthy and perfect!!

Friday, November 6, 2009

Miss Macey


Lil Miss Macey is doing well. She has been a little bit fussy the past few days, and last night she was up quite a bit. But for some reason, the second time around, I seem to have more patience.

It's been quite an adjustment for all of us having another baby. McKenna loves her, but she doesn't like the fact that not all my time is devoted to her. Last night I finally felt okay enough to lay with McKenna and put her to bed, and she really liked that. She wasn't liking that daddy had to do that. Jason has been great, pretty much attending to everything relating to McKenna. He gets her up in the morning, gets her dressed, brings her to daycare, picks her up, gives her a bath, and sometimes puts her to bed. I wouldn't be able to do it without him!!

My dad still has not been able to meet Macey. He didn't come to the hospital with all of the germs, and then my mom was sick, so we were not able to go up there. I hope he gets to meet her soon!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Blessed Times Two



It's amazing how fast you can fall in love with someone you just met. I can't seem to kiss or cuddle Macey enough. I keep counting my blessings over and over. God is good!

Sunday, November 1, 2009

It's a Girl!





Little miss Macey Jean Onesti was born at 7:44 a.m. on 10/30. She weighed 7 pounds, 8 ounces, and was 19.5 inches long!

Jason actually chose the name Macey, but I love it! And the meaning of Macey is hapiness and upbeat. I love the meaning as well.

Macey is healthy in every way possible, and we thank the lord!! I am so thankful to have two healthy children!

Big sister loves her! She says - my Macey! We'll see how well she likes her when she comes home!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Baby Onesti Will Be Here Tomorrow!!!

By this time tomorrow, we will be holding our new baby in our arms. It is so weird that I can feel it wiggling around in my belly right now - and in less then 24 hours it will be in our arms.

I am a big ball of nerves, excitement, and anxiousness - all wrapped into one little package. I didn't get much sleep last night, and I know tonight will be worse. I am taking today to get caught up on laundry and cleaning, going to McKenna's Halloween party at daycare, and getting her off to grandma's house.

C-section is scheduled for 7 a.m. I should be out of recovery by 10. I will have my laptop at the hospital, so I hopefully will be able to post the news and pictures on Saturday!

If you have a minute today, please take a moment to say a quick prayer for me and Jason and baby.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Just an ordinary Monday...

Not much new to update on. Which is nice. Means things are quiet for awhile!

My dad started his new Chemo this past week. So far it is making him feel kind of blah, and very tired. But so far he is handling it pretty well. I am bringing him into see the surgeon on Wednesday for a follow up appointment.

4 more days until this baby comes. It's funny how when you already have a little one at home, how different it is to be expecting a baby. I remember being so excited with McKenna I could hardly stand it. This time around I am not that excited yet. I think it's because all my emotions have been drained over the last few months. I know once the day gets closer, I will be more excited. Right now I am trying to focus on making the transition easier for McKenna, getting my house clean, bills paid, laundry done. Once Thursday night comes, I will be very excited.

The closer it gets, the more I worry about the baby's health. Everything on all of my ultrasounds looks great, I just think it is natural to worry - and I have reason to worry ten times more then the average person. I just try to lift all of my worries up to god, and remember it is all in his hands. Whatever he has planned for us, will be.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Baby Onesti Update

I had my doctor appointment today, and my fluid level was up even more. Today it was at 13. So it looks like the baby will not be born until the 30th, unless I would happen to go into labor before that. When he checked me today I wasn't really doing anything, so I don't forsee going into labor anytime soon. It's good though - since I am such a planner, it will be easier having it at my normal scheduled date. Plus it gives me one last weekend to clean, grocery shop, and get ready for the baby. The next 8 days are going to go by soooooo slow!

There have been 2 confirmed cases of H1N1 at McKenna's daycare. I am praying she doesn't get it! I don't know what I would do! I don't know who would watch her when I was in the hospital. Plus I would just want to be with her!! So I am trying not to worry about it until I have to.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Baby Onesti Update

At my appointment last Thursday, they informed me that my amniotic fluid was running a little low. I had to go back yesterday for another non-stress test and ultrasound. My fluid level is back up to a normal level. Between 10 - 20 is considered normal. Last week it was at an eight, and this week it was at eleven. I have to go back on Thursday again, but as of right now it looks like everything will go as scheduled for the 30th.

I just want this baby out! I am really exhausted by trying to balance my emotions between being pregnant and being worried about my dad. I'm also very tired of worrying about the health of the baby. I just want it here and to know that everything is ok. We just all need a little joy in our lives right now, and something positive to focus on.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Dear Dad -

Dear Dad-

I wanted to write to you and tell you how much I love you and how much I appreciate the things you have done for me over the last 29 years. I don’t think you really realize the sacrifices parents make for their children, until you become a parent yourself.

The last four months have been rough on all of us. But it has got me thinking about all of the special times we have shared together. I think the one moment that I will cherish the most for the rest of my life is the day you got to walk me down the aisle to marry the man of my dreams. I’ll also never forget the father daughter dance that we got to share. I am lucky because some daughters never get to experience that with their dads.

I also will never forget how you rushed to my side when we knew Nevaeh was not doing well. You never thought twice, you just came because you know I needed you. It was such a comfort having you and mom there. I felt like a little girl again, just needing my mom and dad. I also appreciate the fact that you rushed to our side to move us back home. You drove four hours to help us pack and then another four hours back to bring our stuff back. Not a lot of parents would just do that for their kids. These are the kind of things that make me realize what a special, loyal dad you are.

I’m sorry I was such a rotten baby and kid. I wish I could take that all back. But you have to admit, you chasing me around the block to try to spank me, has to go down in the record book as a memorable moment. I always knew when I pissed you off to the point of no return. There was a certain look that you gave, and you would suck in air very slowly when you had reached your limit. I knew exactly which buttons to push.

I remember all of the camping trips we took, and all the good times we shared on those family vacations. I remember you teaching me to drive for the first time. I was so nervous that I set the cruise control at 25 while driving through town in Seymour and you yelled at me. I remember you dropping us off at school and beeping the horn in the buck mobile.

I remember how you could comfort me when I was so upset. Upset over the stupidest things that I thought were life shattering at the time. You have an amazing smile and ability to make people laugh. I think that is what I love the most about you. You taught me that it is okay to laugh at yourself, and it’s okay to smile and laugh when times are rough. That a sense of humor can go a long way.

I love how you were never afraid to cry in front of us. I love how you are so romantic to mom. I remember thinking if I could find a guy that was like you, I would be so lucky. Jason is a great guy, but no one can compare to my dad!

Above all I want you to know how much I love you, respect you, and are so thankful that you are my dad. Please don’t give up on the fight that you are fighting. Please keep your positive attitude and sense of humor. Above all, please heal and feel better soon.

Love-
Your little girl

Update

We did not get good news today. The onocologist has said that my dad's cancer has grown, and it's really not that good. He will be starting on the pill form of chemo next week. I just have such a mix of emotions right now. I feel defeated. I feel angry and bitter. I feel devastated and sad. I feel desperate. I know my dad is so depressed right now. I think he has lost his positive outlook and has begun to realize he will not be able to continue to do the things that he loves to do so much. I'm trying to get my emotions in check and my composure together. I have missed so much work lately with him being in the hospital, and with doctor appointment, but how do I concentrate on work? It all seems so trivial to what he is going through.

On another note, I had my doctor appointment today. My amniotic fluid is on the low side. I have an appointment on Monday for a non-stress test and another ultrasound. They'll decide after that what to do. The baby may be coming a week earlier then thought. I am trying to be excited for the baby's arrival, but it is so hard when it is overshadowed by the bad news and all of the concern, worries, and raw emotions I am going through over my dad.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

10/13

My dad is home and doing good. He is happy to be in his favorite recliner again. He still has a lot of healing, and a lot of catching up on sleep to do. He had a home healthcare nurse come in today to check on his iliostomy bag, as well as draw blood. Now with the blood clot in his leg, and being on the coumidin, they need to check his blood levels every couple of days. He still needs to go back to the onocologist on Thursday, although we don't know if he'll get his chemo. I am looking forward to him healing and getting his smile and positive attitude back.

Today is 18 days until baby Onesti will be born. I have been so focused on my dad that I have not even had time to think about the new baby. I am starting to get very scared about the arrival of the baby. Just worried about having a healthy baby, worried about McKenna transitioning, worried about trying to juggle two kids. I know once we settle into a routine it will be fine, but I know I will have my hands full. I hope god grants me the patience and sanity to handle it all.

Last Friday the baby was measuring at about 6 pounds 5 ounces - which does not mean too much. I know their estimates can be way off. I was also dilated to 1 cm, which I know also means nothing. I have been having lots of braxton hicks contractions. I never had these with McKenna. They are quite painful! Sometimes they even wake me up at night. I time them all the time, and sometimes when I think they start getting consistent, they stop all together. I am so ready not to be pregnant anymore. Not so sure I am ready for another baby - but I guess it is a little too late for that! Just keep us in your thoughts and prayers over the next few weeks that baby is healthy in every way possible.

Monday, October 12, 2009

My Dad is Home

After a 17 day hospital stay - my dad is finally home!! He is resting peacfully in his favorite recliner.

Going Home

It looks like my dad will be able to go home today!! They are working on all of his discharge papers and procedures. Let's keep our fingers crossed!!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Dad Update

My dad seems to be taking some steps backwards. He said he did not sleep last night. They gave him some medicine for anxiety and to make him sleep, but it did the opposite. It kept him awake all night and made him see things. I hope that it was that he was exhausted and that is all. I know he is also very depressed, and he is loosing his positive outlook. He just wants to feel better, and go home. He has started to call his room his cave.

I just feel horrible. I went up there to visit him tonight, and left in tears. He looks like he aged 10 years since the last time I saw him. He looks as bad as he did before he went into surgery last Friday. If we could just get him out of there, I know his outlook would change. But then again, we want him well enough to be home.

My mom is also at her breaking point. She broke down to me on the phone this morning. I know how tiring it is going to the hospital day after day after day. I did it with Nevaeh for 6 weeks. It is truly more exhausting then working a 40 hour work week.

I am trying to remember to take care of myself and baby through this all, but it is so hard. I finally made myself a steak at 9:00 tonight after realizing I didn't really eat all day. It's so hard to see my dad like this. He has always been so strong, and so funny and positive. He just seemed so weak and quiet tonight. I know I have a long sleepless night ahead of me. My mind is wandering, and my heart is heavy.

They are giving my dad a different sleeping pill tonight, so I hope he gets some well needed rest and feels better tomorrow. They are aiming for him to go home on Monday, but it seems like every day his stay gets pushed out a day or two. I told him tonight that the light is at the end of the tunnel - to just hang in there for a few more days.

All I can do is pray for him to get better soon, and for god to give my mom and dad the strength they both need to get them through this. I ask anyone else that is reading this to do the same.

Friday, October 9, 2009

McKenna and Mariah

McKenna's bestest friend got to come over last night and we had a pajama party! Here are some pictures and video!!





Thursday, October 8, 2009

Update on my dad for 10/8

Doesn't look like my dad will be going home today or tomorrow. :o(
They needed to get less then 200 cc's out of his GI tube in order to remove it. They got 250 cc's. So the tube will have to stay in another day. Also - his legs were a little swollen, so they brought him down for an ultrasound, and found he has a blood clot in his leg. So they will now start him on some coumidin. All this after last week them being so worried that his blood wouldn't clot for surgery. It's such a guessing game.

More then anything I know he just wants to go home! But he is where he needs to be right now. We want him better before he goes home!

Happy Birthday McKenna

My baby is two today! Where did the time go? I can still recall the day she was born perfectly! The weather, the anticipation, the hapiness! The last two years have been very challenging, yet very rewarding! She is the greatest joy to have in my life! I cannot remember what life was like before her. I look forward to watching her grow up!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Update for 10/7

We don't think my dad will be coming home yet tomorrow, but hopefully on Friday! Today is his 12th day in the hospital. Poor guy, I can't even imagine. I know he is in good hands, and it is where he needs to be right now, but I know he will be one happy guy when he can go home!

The doctors had to hook his GI tube back up yesterday. His system cannot tolerate anything without it. He is also on a heart monitor, and when he fell asleep his respirations went down into the 40's. So the nurse ran into see if he was okay, and it really scared my dad. He was afraid to sleep after that. I think it is just a little bit of sleep apnea.

Other then wanting to come home and get rid of his GI tube, my dad is doing well. He is hopefully on the road to recovery and feeling better.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Update for 10/6

My dad is doing well. They've had to unclamp his tube a few times, as he gets indigestion and the hiccups. He will not have his tube taken out today. He did however get to eat some jello and chicken broth (which he said tasted like a steak). The doctor said my dad's blood work showed he was very malnutritioned. They have been giving him liquid nutrition, and hope to continue his chemo next week.

The surgeon told my parents that if my dad would not have had surgery on the day he did, he would most likely have died. That is very scary. I am so thankful that god gave us more time with him. Especially with this baby coming very soon. I want my dad to meet the baby more then anything. Especially since I believe god gave us this baby at this very moment for a reason. I think god wanted us to focus on life instead of death, joy instead of sorrow.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Update for 10/5

My dad is doing good! He is eating lots of popsicles! They clamped off his GI tube that comes out of his nose. If he can handle that and not get nauseous, they may remove the tube as early as tomorrow. That would be one more step to my dad being able to go home!!

On a side note, I am so thankful for awesome co-workers. They made me a pan of lasagna, garlic bread and pumpkin bars for me to bring home for dinner. They said I shouldn't have to worry about dinner for one night.

Kate Eastman and Stacy Bouchard - you guys rock. I am so thankful you are my friends and co-workers!!!

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Dad update

My dad is doing good. He said other then the insicion pain, he feel 100 times better! He is still on an ice chip only diet, and getting fed through an IV. He'll be able to start to eat a light diet once they hear bowel sounds. He sat up in a chair today, and even took a short walk. He can't wait to go home!! We are hoping that he will be able to go home on Wednesday. I continue to pray that the chemo he is on keeps doing the job of keeping the cancer at bay. We want and need him around for so much longer!!!

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Update on my dad

My dad had surgery yesterday to repair his colon. The surgery took almost 5 hours. The tumor where his kidney was, grew onto his colon, puncturing it. They had to remove a six inch portion of his colon, then reconnect it. He does have a colostomy bag on, but they hope he will be able to have it removed (one more surgery) within a month.

They did remove some of the larger kidney cancer tumor and will biopsy it. They said for now my dad's colon is cancer free, but he does have a lot of cancer still in him. I guess you always kind of hope that once they open him up, they tell you they diagnosed him wrong and its not cancer. But it still is.

I pray for a fast, painless recovery for my dad. I didn't get to see him last night, as he was still in recovery at 7 p.m. But I am going to call up there in a little while to see how he is doing.

I can tell you one thing, yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life. It really sucks having to see my dad, who I love sooooo much, go through all of that pain. I just want to see a smile on his face again. They told us the surgery would be a minimum of 2 hours, but we never expected 5. It was a long, long wait. Your mind starts to go places that you don't want it to go. I don't think I've had so many tears in one day in a long time.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Complications

My dad has a perforated colon. They are not sure why. They said the colon could have caused the abscess, or the abscess could have caused the perforation. Still waiting for answers...again. The surgeon was not going to get back in with the results until like 9 or 10 tonight, so I finally left. But what this means for my dad is another surgery, and possible a colostomy bag (lets pray not). The poor guy just wants to feel better and go home!I am really tired of being on an emotional rollercoaster. We get good news, then bad, then worse news. It is amazing that I have not gone into labor yet due to shear stress. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers, I will update as soon as I can.

Complication

So this morning they realized my dad's lungs are filling up with fluid. They think they may have punctured my dad's colon when they did his procedure yesterday. That is all I know right now.....

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Dad is out of surgery

My dad just got out of surgery, he is doing very well. Giving the nurses crap, requesting whiskey in his IV, so his sense of humor is back! We are hoping he can go home Friday!

My dad said the procedure went well, and was not painful. He has a drain in, and all the abcess is being drained. They will culture and monitor the infection coming out of him.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Surgery

My dad's surgery is scheduled for 9:30 tomorrow morning. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers!!!

Finally Some Good News!

This morning the doctor met with my dad and told him that he does indeed have an abcsess, and not a hemotoma. He said it is just caused by an infection. They need to drain it as soon as possible, so it does not rupture and cause a blood infection. They are still trying to figure out why his blood is not clotting, but they said the risk of not draining the abcess is higher then him bleeding out during the surgery. They are giving him blood transfusions today, and will do his surgery tomorrow.

We did get some completly awesome news!! The doctor said that all of my dad's tumors have shrunk! We so needed to hear that. Our minds were all going to the worse possible scenario!!

Monday, September 28, 2009

A couple answers, but still not enough

I just got home from the hospital. The CT scan on my dad showed that he has either an abcess or a hemotoma in his abdomen. He will need surgery to drain it. The problem is that for some reason his blood is not clotting properly. They need to figure out why before they can do his surgery. And we won't know if it is an abcess, or a hemotoma until after the surgery. It's so frustrating!! Not to mention his doctor was in New London today, so he pretty much popped in on my dad and gave him all of 10 minutes of his time. And once again we do not know any results as far as if the cancer grew or stayed the same.

We are hoping that he can have his surgery on Wednesday. Originally they said tomorrow, but they nurse doesn't think they will have answers yet on why his blood is not clotting. My dad did not look good again today, and barely ate anything again. So it seems he takes one step forward, and two steps back.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

DAD

We still have no answers today. My dad's hemoglobin went up to 8.8, but they were hoping that it would have gone up more. His potassium levels are also low, so we don't know why that is happening. Everything has come back negative as far as the flu or infections. They said it may just be a virus, but we don't really think so. We don't really think any virus would impact his hemoglobin levels that much.

My dad's doctor will be back in tomorrow, which will be nice to have his treating doctor to talk too. They are moving up his catscan that he was suppose to have October 8th, to tomorrow. I am really really scared to hear the results. We are all just so scared. Especially since he has been doing so well up to this point. I just keep praying that it was some screwed up virus.

He ate some toast, sherbert, and a slice of pizza today. This is the most that he has ate in the last two week. That is a good sign that he is feeling better. He also had his sense of humor back today. Those poor nurses!! I think secretly they like it, but my dad sure gives them a hard time, and loves to flirt with them. I am glad that through all of this he has a sense of humor.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Update on my dad

They originally thought he had pneomonia, but they don't think so anymore. The doctor thinks that what the radiologist was seeing was the cancer spot in my dad's lung. When they brought him into his room, he had a 103 fever. They checked his hemoglobin level, and it was down to 7.2. It was 9.2 (which is still very low) on Thursday. So they think he may have internal bleeding somewhere. The doctor said internal bleeding can cause a high fever. So they are giving him a blood transfusion, and will recheck his hemoglobin tomorrow. If it has not improved, they will do a catscan. They also did blood and urine cultures again, but they take 12 hours, so we will not know any more until tomorrow. I plan on going to the hospital in the morning, and will update my blog tomorrow night.

Hospital :o(

My dad is being admited into the hospital. He still had a fever this morning, and was just feeling awful. His urine output has greatly decreased. When my mom took him to the emergency room, his blood pressure was very low, and they heard something in his lungs - possible pnemonia, so they are going to admit him. I am happy they are admitting him, hopefully it will put him onto the road to recovery. I am also very, very scared. Please keep us in your prayers.

Friday, September 25, 2009

My Dad

My dad's tests came back that he has a urinary tract infection. He needs to be particularly careful because he only has one functioning kidney. So he needs to push the fluids and continue the antibiotics, and hopefully he will feel better in a couple of days. Hopefully his white blood count will go down by next chemo day.

My dad

My dad has a fever today of 102, and is not feeling well at all. He threw up this morning, but he thinks that is maybe because he took his antibiotics on an empty stomach. They were told to call the doctor if he developed a fever of 100.7 or more. My mom called the doctor on call, and they told my mom to give him tylenol and to call back if he started to feel worse. We should find out this morning about his blood work, and what kind of infection he may have.

Please keep sending the prayers our way.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Dad Update

My dad went in for his chemo today, and his white blood cell count was very high, which means he has an infection somewhere. They decided not to give him chemo today, but still gave him his iron transfusions. He had to have blood work done to test for a blood infection, a possible infection in his port, and they also did a urine culture on him. They also did a flu test on him. It is quite possible that he may just have a virus that is going around too.

My mom said my dad is very weak and very pale, and just not feeling well. They gave him an antibiotic. My mom also bought him some Ensure to drink, since he just does not want to eat or have any appetite.

I just ask you all to keep praying for him and us.

Monday, September 21, 2009

The Nuk Fairy

The nuk fairy visited our house on Saturday morning and took all of McKenna's nuks. I told her for days how the fairy would come and take her nuks and deliver them to all the babies that needed nuks. I also told her she would be rewarded by getting a prize from the fairy.

We left the house and the fairy came, leaving a Dora coloring book and puzzle, and an Elmo book with a magna doodle on it. When we got home, she was very excited to find her prizes. Then it was nap time. She refused to take a nap at first without her nuk. Eventually she got so tired that she gave in. I thought getting her to sleep that night would be the hard part, but she actually fell right to sleep.

Yesterday she only asked for her nuk one time, and that was at bedtime. It feels great to have conquered the nuk! It was the thing I was dreading the most. Next milestone: potty training!!!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Crappy People and Crappy Comments

Can you believe that there was a guy at a supper club the other night that said my dad had "the Patrick Swayze look"? What an ass!! My mom said he went on and on for a half an hour to my dad how he doesn't look good, and how he looks so sick. What is wrong with some people? Never in my right mind would I ever tell someone who is battling cancer that!! If anything I would over exert the truth and tell them how well they look. These comments understandably upset my mom. She was very teary eyed yesterday when talking about it. I wish I could have been there to put the guy in his place. I told my mom not to let it bother her, and dad does look good. He does look a little tired and skinny, but he is going through Chemo for goodness sakes! No one ever looks their best when going through chemo!

I love you dad. You look great, and keep on fighting the fight. Don't let crappy people get you down!!!

Friday, September 18, 2009

Baby O Update

I had my normal Friday appointment. Everything is well! Little baby O passed all the tests with flying colors. The baby now weighs about 4 pounds. I can't believe in 6 weeks from today I am going to have another baby! I guess I better start getting things ready and buying the stuff I need. We don't even have a name, although I think I may have found one that Jason is open to!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Update On My Dad

My dad went in for his Chemo today and his hemoglobin was very low today, which means he is very anemic. They gave him a bag of iron in addition to his chemo and then an iron injection. He will have to have them for the next 4 weeks. This maybe explains why he has been so tired and has had no appetite lately. Maybe this will help him.

As long as the chemo is working, there will be no break in the treatment at all. So my dad is scheduled for chemo for the next 4 weeks again. On October 8, he will have another CT Scan, labs and chemo. Then the following week he will see the doc to go over the results again. Can I just say I am already dreading this??? I don't think I can bear to hear bad news.

My mom asked the doctor if they would want to go on a vacation in January and he is still getting chemo, could he skip a week. The doctor said no problem as long as he is feeling good.

My dad is such a trooper. He does not seem to get discouraged that he has to go every week. He truly handles it with grace, laughter, and dignity.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Torch Run Logo for Special Olympics



When my sister was still in school last year, one of her assignments was to create a logo for the Law Enforcement Torch Run for Special Olympics. She designed the logo, and incorporated Nevaeh's initials on the front of the logo. She then had to present her logo to the group. She dedicated her whole presentation to Nevaeh, and told everyone how special she was, and what an impact she made on everyone is such a short amount of time.

My sister got a call Wednesday night that her logo was selected! So everyone that participates in this run in the State of Wisconsin will have a logo on it with Nevaeh's initials. I am so proud of my sister, and so honored that Nevaeh is being remembered in this way. My sister also won $125 for the design, which she said she will just donate back to the event. She is also going to try to get me a few of the shirts.

I am just so proud, touched and honored about this simple little tribute!!

Monday, September 7, 2009

Goodbye Summer!

Well today is the last official day of summer. I am sad. I look forward all winter to the warm weather, cookouts, fresh vegetables and fruits, and being able to play outside. But this year I am also looking forward to the fall more then ever, for the arrival of our new baby.

We did a lot of fun things this summer: Bay Beach, the Zoo, swimming, fishing, and this past weekend we got to bring McKenna to the Shawano fair to see the animals. She had a permanent smile on her face!!



Yesterday we got to hang out at my parents house for lots of food and fun. It's a tradition every labor day weekend. The weather was so great!



Friday, September 4, 2009

McKenna and Puppy

McKenna likes to eat dog food and treats. She shares more then she should with our puppy, but right now he is her best friend!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Saying Goodbye to Mary

Today was Mary's burial and then a luncheon at Jack's house. I went to the luncheon, and it is weird to say, but I had the best time. There was more laughter then tears, and it was so much fun to reminice about Mary. I told my cousin Carrie that one thing I will always remember about her mom, is everytime I was over Mary would make coffee, and we would sit at the table and have a cup.

In the afternoon they did a balloon release for Mary. They got 40 pink balloons, and people wrote messages or memories on them. At the count of 3 - and to the words - "for Mary!" all 40 balloons were released into the sky above. It was beautiful. It was really cool because all of the balloons stuck together the whole time, until they were out of sight. They looked like they were making different shapes and symbols at times. I was very honored to be part of such a cool ceremony. They said they will do it every year on Mary's birthday.

Weekly Visits

I had my doctor appointment yesterday. Starting next Friday I will be going weekly. I will have non-stress tests, biophysical profiles, a growth ultrasound, and meet with my doctor, every week. My doctor is just being extra cautious with my history, as well as the blood screen for downs being a little off. I want to reassure everyone that everything is looking good with this baby, and it is healthy, these are just extra precautions. I am very thankful that my doctor is so awesome, and is extra careful. It makes me realize how much I disliked my last O.B.!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

My Dad's Trip to Madison

My Mom and Aunt Carol took my Dad to The Cancer Center today in Madison for a second opinion. My mom said the doctor was so awesome! She went through my dad's whole history from the first day of diagnosis. She feels that for now my dad is on the right drug. She said there are two clinical trials that my dad could also get into for experimental treatment. But she suggested that if my dad is feeling well on his current chemo, and the tumors are staying the same size or shrinking, he should continue on this path of treatment for now. When this drug stops working, there is the pill form of chemo he can go on, which tends to be more agressive. If that does not work, then he could get into the clincal trials. The bad thing about that is he would have to travel to Madison weekly to get the chemo. But we will cross that bridge when we get to it. For now I am just glad that there seems to be options for him. I am so thankful that he is feeling okay and still around. I am really looking forward to our annual Labor Day get together this Sunday.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Heavy Heart

Tonight I have a heavy heart. I found out my Aunt Mary lost her long battle with cancer this afternoon. I am praying very hard for her family. My cousin Carrie has always been like a sister to me, and I wish there was more I could do to help ease her pain. I know grieving is a long process, and there is nothing anyone can do or say to make that pain go away. I know that it never really does go away, it just hurts less as time goes on.

Please keep Carrie and her entire family in your thoughts and prayers.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

McKenna's First Haircut





I brought McKenna to get her first haircut today. I brought her to a place called Snips and Giggles. It's the coolest place ever, and they cater especially to little girls.

McKenna was too scared at first to sit in the car or airplane chair, so she ended up getting her haircut on my lap. While watching Blues Clues on the DVD player, she sat really great. The girl just evened out the back of her hair and her bangs. Afterwards she styled McKenna's hair and put glitter in it. It was very fun! Then of course McKenna wanted to sit in the car chair and play! We got a certificate with McKenna's picture on it that says "first haircut" and it also has a lock of her hair on it.

I brought my niece Taylor along and she got a mini-mani. The lady even let McKenna pick out a color of nail polish and painted McKenna's nails. It was a very fun, special, girl's day out!! I wish they would have had a place like this when I was a little girl!!!

Friday, August 28, 2009

Caterpillar Breed Figured Out







Thanks to my friend on facebook, I think we have figured out this caterpillar to be a Robin Moth:

http://bugguide.net/node/view/4625

Look at the size of the moth! Gives me the heebie jeebies!!!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Weirdest Caterpillar Ever




Jason found this caterpillar on one of our trees! It is the creepiest, weirdest, most alien looking caterpillar ever! It's really creeping me out! If anyone thinks they know what it is, please let me know!

I found a link to this moth, but it doesn't look quite exactly the same:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antheraea_polyphemus


I am not fond of the idea of having a huge moth flying around our yard!!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

When did my baby grow up?


I am amazed at the little person McKenna is becoming. I look at her and wonder, when did she turn into a toddler? It seems like just yesterday she was a little baby who really needed me for everything. Now she tries to be so darn independent!

It seems like every night I pick her up from daycare, she has added a new word or phrase to her vocabulary. Lately she has been very good at forming 2 and 3 word phrases. Last night Jason was eating watermelon, and McKenna declared " I want try it!" I was pretty amazed with this! She is also attempting to count to five lately. She does pretty good with one, two, three, but then gets a little mixed up with four and five.

She is also getting more involved with watching movies and television. Some of her favorites are Elmo, Dora, SpongeBob, and Barney (ick). To the dismay of Jason and I, Barney is actually McKenna's favorite. Not like I think Barney is a bad influence, it's just that we find his voice and songs very annoying. There have been mornings when I have woken up with different Barney songs in my head. I reassure Jason that she could be into worse things! At least he is educational, and it's not like she is watching television non-stop. She only gets to watch it when I am making dinner, and maybe a few minutes before bedtime.

McKenna is definetly a ham. She has her shy moments when she is surronded by people she does not know, but if she is in a room full of people she is comfortable with, watch out because she will put on a show! She loves to be the center of attention, and knows when she is being funny. She makes me laugh every single day! She is absolutely the most joyful thing in my world!!

I am looking forward to seeing McKenna as a big sister. I can't wait to see how she interacts with the baby. I am curious if she will be mad that she is no longer center of attention, or if she will be thrilled and want to help us out as much as possible. Only time will tell I guess! For now, I am just trying to enjoy every minute I have with McKenna. I know my life will be getting much more hectic in the next 2 months, and I will take for granted these quiet, simple moments I get with her.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Silver Lining....

I am trying to find the silver lining in the dark storm clouds today. Actually, I do feel a little more optimistic about my dad's catscan results. My mom and dad met with the oncologist today. The tumor in his spleen and in his lung did shrink, which is great news. He said that he can't be sure when the new tumor appeared, or the tumor where his kidney was, grew. He said that could have happened in the 3 week period between the catscan and when chemo started. Especially since it was so agressive. He is actually happy with the catscan results. My mom asked if we want the tumors to shrink or stay the same, and the doctor reminded us, there is only a 3 in 10 chance that anything is going to work for my dad. I hate being reminded of this.

He is going to continue on the same course of treatment for now, but has set up a second opinion for us in Madison. He said that if they want to put my dad in a study, that he should take that opportunity, but it would mean us driving to Madison for all of his treatments.

So that is all we know for now, but we do feel better today about the results then we did on Monday.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

My Birthday Wishes....

On my birthday - all I really want is for my family to be healthy and happy. That is the best present anyone could really ask for!!

Of course tonight is also the big powerball drawing. I wouldn't mind winning a little bit of that too! I would give money to my parents so my mom could retire along with my dad. I would buy him the best medical experts possible. I would send him to Nevada on an ATV trip, I would send him out west hunting, and would send my parents on a cruise.

I also would love to start a non-profit organization. To help parents with special needs children, their care and therapy, and the cost of their care. I also would love to be able to help people out that can't afford funerals for their children. I just want to give something back.

I also of course would splurge a little and build a house. Nothing fancy. Just something bigger then our 2 bedroom duplex. I would also upgrade from my 2000 Grand Prix with 191,000 miles and broken gas gauge, to something with all wheel drive, but again nothing fancy.

I am not praying to win the lottery, just hoping! I have realized all the "stupid" things I have prayed for over the years! What I really am praying for is my family's health. My dad just called and sang happy birthday to me. It was great. I want him to be around to sing happy birthday next year.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Not so good news...

We didn't get great news about my dad today. His big tumor grew another centimeter. He also has a new tumor under his ribs on his left side. That one is a centimeter big. We were so hopefull and optimistic. I actually had gotten my hopes up too much. When I hear the news I broke down - the first time since his diagnosis, and had to leave work. I just wanted to be with my mom and dad. When I walked into my parents house, I immediately just grabbed my dad and hugged him, and we both cried.

I am trying to look at the positive side. The chemo has slowed the growth of the tumors. It's only one centimeter. The doctor said there is still a lot they can do for my dad. There are lots of different chemos and options. I think my mom may take my dad down to Madison for a second opinion.

After me and my mom and dad had a good cry, we played Wii bowling. Had a lot of laughs, and a good time. I think that is the best medicine. By the time I left their house, I had forgotten why I was there.

We all just need to keep praying and thinking positive thoughts. Of course my dad has a stellar attitude and doesn't let on at all that he is scared or anything. In some ways I think that is good.

I'm just a little angry and bitter right now. Why do bad things seem to happen to good people? We believe in god, we pray, we do onto others as we would want done to us, we are sympathetic, we are good people! That's what makes me the most mad. I know in the big scheme of things - god has a much larger plan for us. And this too is in god's hands. I don't know what's worse - having your loved one die suddenly without any warning, or going through the agonies of knowing months or years ahead of time? I am trying to figure that out right now. I can tell you one thing, I value every minute with my dad right now. I try to observe every laugh line in his face, every look he makes, his feel of his skin when he hugs me, his voice when he tells me everything will be okay. I try to take it all in.

Ultrasound Results

I am estatic to announce that everything is perfect with baby!! The heart is perfect, and everything is measuring spot on. The baby now weighs about 2 pounds 11 ounces. This is a huge relief!!

Baby was very content just hanging out and napping the entire ultrasound. It was being a little shy, and had one hand covering it's genitals and one hand over the mouth. But we did get confirmation of the sex. I got to see it blink it's eyes and open it's mouth. It was amazing.

Just a huge relief, and now I feel like a can let out a sigh of relief, and relax a little the rest of my pregnancy! The echogenic focus was still on the heart, but the doctor said it is like a scar and will probably always be there, although it poses no problems. He said with this clear ultrasound and nuchal translucency test, it puts our risk of down syndrome back down to about 1%. Even though we will love this child no matter what, it's a big relief to hear the chances have been reduced.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

28 Week Ultrasound Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my 28 week ultrasound. I wish I could say I was excited. I am more aprehensive than anything. Is it going to be cool to see the baby - yes. But I am so nervous. When you have had bad experiences during ultrasounds, it sticks with you. For some reason, the bad experiences overshadow the good ones. Part of me just wants to not go to the ultrasound. Because then at least I won't have to face any bad news. But I know if there is something wrong, it would be better to know ahead of time. This is something I have to do.

I am thankful that my friend Kate from work is coming to my ultrasound tomorrow. I just don't want to be alone. In case they do find something wrong. I just want someone there for moral support. I am very thankful that she is giving up her precious time to be there for me.

So look back for updates tomorrow. My ultrasound is at 10:30. I hope that I have lots of good news and good pictures to share!!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Good News

Here is an e-mail I got from my mom:

Well here is what I can tell you for now. I do know one thing, they always want to keep us guessing and keep us on pins and needles.

When they reviewed the CT scan that Ron had done on Tuesday the radiologist compared it to he one that he had done in March. Not the one he had done in June. The reasons being that the June one was over at St. E's and not AMC (the whole insurance switch thing). So there is no comparison to report yet. The Doc had not looked at the report until we got in the room with him. He said the radiologist was lazy!!Any way, he could tell that the one in his lung shrunk. That alone has given us a glimpse of hope because if that one shrunk then you would think the others did.

So now they have to get the film/report from St E's before they can tell us any more. I asked him if we would hear today and he chuckled and said no. If we do not get a phone call by Monday with the results we are supposed to call there and they will let us know if it is completed yet, and if it is what the results are.

They say good things come to those who wait. If that is true there can be no other result but positive. So.... that is all I know for now.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Roll call!!

I would love to know who stops by and reads my blog!! Please leave a comment! Don't be shy.....

Monday, August 10, 2009

Many Prayers Needed

Please pray for my dad. He will have a catscan tomorrow to see if the tumors are shrinking. We are optomistic since his pain has gotten better. I keep visualizing the tumors getting smaller and smaller. We'll get the results of the catscan on Thursday.

Please pray for my aunt Mary who is battling bone cancer. She is not doing well and is back in the hospital. Please pray that god eases her pain, and helps her family and friends through this difficult time.

I passed my glucose test with flying colors!!!

Yay- no giving up my deserts!!!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Baby Onesti Update

I had my 27 week checkup today. I am happy to report that baby Onesti is doing well! The heartbeat was good, and I am measuring right on schedule. I gained 6 pounds since last checkup - eesh. Oh well. I am up a total of 24 pounds so far.

I did fail my glucose test today. That was actually quite a surprise. So I have to go back in on Monday to do the 3 hour glucose test. To me it is more an inconvience then anything. I am not worried. Even if I would happen to have gestational diabetes, it is so minor to everything I have already faced. But I guess I will have to give up my deserts for awhile!

I have my echo ultrasound of the baby's heart on August 17th. Please pray for us! My doctor assured me that it is just a precaution, and anything major would have probably been caught on previous ultrasounds. It is just a little unsettling to me. I am use to hearing bad news - that I just keep thinking, oh god, what is wrong this time around? I have been trying to stay positive, but sometime the fears consume me.

I can say without a doubt that this is my last baby. I can't go through the fears and worries of another pregnancy. It is so draining! I just keep praying that this baby is our happy ending that I feel Jason and I deserve so much. This baby will complete our family.

Monday, August 3, 2009

He Drew It


This guy that my sister works with saw a photo of my dad hanging on her desk. He said it was such an awesome photo and wanted to draw it. He gave my sister a copy for free, as long as he could post it on his blog. I just have to say - it turned out absolutely amazing!!!! Please check out his blog at: http://www.hedrewit.blogspot.com/

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Dad's Chemo, and My Kidney Infection

My dad had his chemo today. His platlet levels went back up! He is doing wonderful! Everyone keep praying the chemo is doing it's job! He is feeling great - which makes me feel great! He went and bought a new cross bow for hunting this week. He is enjoying "retirement" - which he should.

I went to the doctor today for my weekly progesterone shot. As I was there, the pain in my back came back - even worse. She did another urine culture on me, and said - the doctor would like to see you. My numbers were worse then Monday, and it has been determined I have a kidney infection. The took my blood to check my white blood count, and it came back borderline - if it was really bad they were going to admit me to the hospital for IV fluids. I am now on a new antibiotic that I take 4 times a day. If I get any fever or any kind of chills, I am suppose to head to the emergency room right away.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

UTI

I landed in the emergency room Monday morning with a possible kidney stone. I had severe stabbing pains that started about 8:30 Sunday night in my back. I wanted to go to the ER, but low and behold, my husband was MIA. He had his baseball game that afternoon- and was having some adult beverages after the game - not answering his phone. Yeah - I can't even tell you how much he is still on my shit list.

Anyways- I waited out the pain until Monday morning. I called my OBGYN who could not get me in until 3:30 p.m. I told them that I was in too much pain to wait that long. So they advised I go to the ER. I went to Aurora and they admitted me right away to labor and delivery. They said any woman who is more then 20 weeks pregnant that comes into the ER, they automatically admit right to L&D.

They hooked me up to the monitors just to make sure I was not having contractions and the baby was under no stress. Everything was fine. The baby was active and very mad to have the monitor on. It was trying to kick the monitor off every chance it had.

They had me do a pee test, and ended up diagnosing me with a bad urinary tract infection. I had a hard time believing that I was in that much pain from a UTI. But today, I am so much better after just one dose of antibiotics. It definetly feels like more of a bladder infection today, and the stabbing pain is gone.

I just hate I had to burn a whole day of vacation for a urinary tract infection!

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Mouth Sores and a Dream Fullfilled


I am happy to report that my dad's mouth sores are doing a little better. Between the herpes medication and the honey, the sores are shrinking! We had a family reunion yesterday, and my dad was able to attend and eat some solid food. This is great news!

My dad has always wanted to fly in a plane over his land to see what his pond and everything looks like. This morning him and my mom went to the Shiocton fly in and got to fly over! He said it was so awesome - and such a great day. This makes me happy! Below is a picture. Their pond is the one with an island in it.

Friday, July 24, 2009

4th Chemo

They ended up doing chemo on my dad again today, even though we didn't think they would. His platlet level is borderline, so if it dips down again, they will not do chemo until it gets back up. He still has extreme canker sores in his mouth, but I sent my mom and dad an article about honey, and they have been applying it to the sores in his mouth. He thinks it may be helping a little bit. The doctor also put him on a prescription that they give people with shingles or herpes (I can't wait to give my dad crap about this). They are hoping that maybe that will help as well.

He has 2 more treatments and then they will do another catscan of his abdomen, pelvis, and chest. So until then all we can do is just hope and pray for the best. My dad said his pain is decreased in his side where the largest tumor is. He does not take the morphine pills anymore, just wears a Fentynil patch to control the pain. I am hoping that this is a good sign. I still keep praying for a miracle. I won't give up until my dad wins this battle!!!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Mouth Sores

My dad's mouth sores are even worse today. My mom said they are now the size of peas. He is so miserable that he cannot even sleep at night. He has tried everything from medicated mouth washes, rinsing peroxide, making pastes out of baking soda, and nothing seems to alleviate the pain or sores.

I feel horrible for him. He has already lost 30 pounds - and now he is pretty much on a liquid diet because it hurts to much for him to eat. Last night I called and he said he couldn't talk to me because it hurt his mouth too bad.

He was going to call the doctor today. I hope there is something more they can do for him. You think in this day and age - they could find something to help mouth sores! We don't think that they will be giving him Chemo this week because of the sores. Hopefully the will help them go away.

It's so frustrating. I wish there was more I could do for him. I feel very helpless most of the times.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Family Pictures Are Done!




Go check them out!

http://GreatScottImages.zenfolio.com/p1021034734/slideshow

McKenna's First Time at Bay Beach







We took McKenna to Bay Beach today. The weather was absolutely perfect! We got there at 11 - and it was not busy at all. We pretty much walked up and got on to every ride. The merry go round was McKenna's favorite. I wish you all could have heard her giggle and see her beaming smile when she was on it. It was priceless!

Friday, July 17, 2009

Update on my dad

My dad had his third chemo treatment yesterday. So far things are going well. The only bad side effect he has had so far, is his mouth is full of sores. He is pretty much on a liquid diet right now because his mouth hurts too bad to eat. The doctor prescribed him a medicated mouth wash yesterday - so hopefully that will help. My dad's platelet levels were also on the low side. Last week they were 115 and this week they were 93. So the past 2 treatments they cut down on the dosage. Next week if his platelet level is still too low, they will skip a round of chemo. My dad told the onocologist that he thinks the chemo is working, as he has way less pain. I pray and hope that is true.

We also found several articles on the healing properties of asparagus and cancer. So he is also doing that. We figure what does he have to lose? He purees the asparagus and takes 4 tablespoons twice a day.

My dad's attitude remains positive and upbeat - which is the best thing for him, and for all of us. I know if anyone can beat this dreadful disease, it is my dad. Just based on his attitude alone. Let's all keep praying for a miracle - and above all for a cure for cancer.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Swimming Lessons

I signed McKenna up for swimming lessons today. I am so excited! I hope she likes it. I know she will probably be very reserved and scared at first. One thing I am not excited about is the thought of having to buy, and having to wear, a maternity swimming suit. The image in my head in not too good. I just hope I don't scare the other kids!!

My desert mission is going well (how could it not)! Today was day number 9.
Day number 6 I had a cranberry and white chocolate cookie from the Farmer's Market. It was okay. Definetly a nice change from the standard choloate chip cookie.

Day number 7 was filled with deserts! I was at my grandpa's 90th birthday party! I had a magic cookie bar that was chocolate chips, buterscotch chips, coconut, and chocolate! Super good!

Day number 8 was a strawberry armaretto cake. Mmmmm, it was very good. 8 out of 10!

Day number 9 was a cupful of fresh berries, yogurt, and granola. I know this is on the healthier side and may not be considered a desert, but it was still yummy, sweet, and enjoyed after my lunch - which to me qualifies it as desert!

Saturday, July 11, 2009

A day to remember...

Today is 3 years that we lost Nevaeh. In some ways I cannot believe that it is 3 years already, and then again it seems like a lifetime ago. 3 years ago I never thought it was going to be possible to be happy again. Now I have a beautiful daughter that is the absolute light of my life. McKenna is the reason I am so happy today. I thank god every day for her.

But that happiness will never take away the missing piece of my heart that is now in heaven. But I can gladly say that I now remember that happy times we had with Nevaeh. So far today there has been few tears which is an improvement. I hope our little girl in heaven knows how much we love her and think about her.

Tonight we are having family pictures at my parents house. I think it is important to capture these images. Especially since we don't know how long it will be before my dad loses his hair. He had his second round of chemo on Thursday. So far he is handling it well. I just pray that it is doing the job and shrinking the tumors. I am so thankful for Scott Eastman of Great Scott Images. He is a great friend and has offered to do our pictures for free. I don't feel right about the free part - but I know he won't accept any money if I offer it to him. It just makes me feel really good that there are such good people in the world.

On a lighter note - I am going on day 6 of my dessert challenge. Day 4 was chocolate swirl cheesecake! It was very good - an 8 out of 10. Yesterday I had black forest cake. It was super yummy. My second favorite so far! 9 out of 10 for sure!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

50 Desserts in 50 Days

So I am on a new mission! 50 desserts in 50 days. I figure with everything going on in our lives right now - it is time to indulge! You only live once - and I am going to live it up! I'm gaining weight from being pregnant anyways, so what's a few more pounds? So I diet and do boot camp again, and the weight will all come back off.

So I started this glorious endevour on Monday. The Aurora Hospital by my work has a grand dessert selection. I had the tuxedo cake. By far the BEST cake I have ever had in my entire life. I give it a 10 out of 10! I think this cake is the reason for my new mission. I can't wait until they have that cake again. I think I even dreamt about it last night.

Yesterday I had Bailey's Cream cheesecake. It was okay. About a 6 out of 10. Today I have Strawberry shortcake. I haven't tried it yet, as part of this deal is I am making myself eat a balanced meal before the dessert. I am trying to finish off my corn before letting myself indulge.

*Update* the Strawberry shortcake is not that good. 5 out of 10. The strawberry on top was the best part of this dessert.

So check back daily for a dessert report. If anything, it will give me something light and upbeat to blog about!!!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

So far, so good


So far my dad is doing okay on Chemo. He was very tired the first few days, but yesterday he felt so good he mowed the lawn and weeded the whole garden. He stayed awake until 10 last night! My mom and him are going over night to the casino tonight - on a well deserved mini getaway. Let's hope next treatment goes as well.

McKenna is feeling better, even slept the whole night through last night for the first time in a week. I couldn't resist sharing this picture of her. Her shirt reads - Grandpa is the best!

Friday, July 3, 2009

Murphys Law

I think it is murphys law that McKenna is sick every holiday. Today I have off for the 4th - and she was up all last night. She had a 102 fever this morning. Thanfully the doctor's office was open, and able to get her in at 9:20. She has another double ear infection. Her tonsils and annoids were also big. She suggested we go see the ENT to have tubes put in, and her tonsils and annoids out. I am a little hesitant, just because it seems McKenna only gets ear infections when she teeths. She is getting her last 2 year old molars - so I am hoping this is the last one. But we are going back in 2 weeks for a check, and if they are not better, then we will see the ENT.

I felt like a bad mom then because after the doctor I needed to stop at the grocery store. The store was a zoo of course. I was zipping through the aisles getting the few items I needed, and looked down and noticed McKenna shivering. I felt horrible. I bee lined it to the check out - and she fell asleep on the way home. When we got home her fever was up to 103. So I gave her more tylenol, stripped her down, and put a cool cloth on her head. She now finally dozed off. I am hoping after this nap she will start to feel better.

My dad is feeling okay so far after his first chemo. He is just very tired and sleeps a lot. Which is better then being sick. He said he was feeling pretty well, and even slept on his side a little last night, was in a little less pain. Hopefully that is a good sign.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Chemo Update

My dad is getting his port put in today at 8:00, and then will have his first chemo at 11:30. Please pray that the chemo does it's job and shrinks the tumors - with minimal side effects. I would hate to see my dad sick all the time.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Chemo

My dad met with a new onocologist today. It is actually the same guy who treated my mom when she had breast cancer. They liked him so much more then the first oncologist they met with on Friday.

He recommended that my dad get the IV Chemotherapy. He said the pill form was just approved by the FDA a couple of months ago, and there are so many unknowns with it. My dad will get a port put in either tomorrow or Thursday, and will start chemo next week. They also want to do a MRI of his brain to make sure there is no cancer there. God, this is all so scary. He will have the chemo once a week - and they'll do another catcan after a month. We would know then if it is being effective or not. There is a 50% chance that this drug will shrink the tumors.

Please pray for us. I am praying so hard and so much lately, that I am literally mentally exhuasted. I am trying to radiate postivness and be happy go lucky for my mom and dad's sake. I am hoping it will rub off on them. I also know they have so much to worry about - they don't need to worry about my well being. I also have to remember to stay calm for this little baby's sake. As I type - it is just kicking away. Maybe trying to get me to focus on the good things going on in my life?

I just wish there was more that I could do. I feel really helpless at this point. Now we just have to wait--again, to see what happens. I am still hoping for a miracle. They happen to people all the time.