Not so good news...

We didn't get great news about my dad today. His big tumor grew another centimeter. He also has a new tumor under his ribs on his left side. That one is a centimeter big. We were so hopefull and optimistic. I actually had gotten my hopes up too much. When I hear the news I broke down - the first time since his diagnosis, and had to leave work. I just wanted to be with my mom and dad. When I walked into my parents house, I immediately just grabbed my dad and hugged him, and we both cried.

I am trying to look at the positive side. The chemo has slowed the growth of the tumors. It's only one centimeter. The doctor said there is still a lot they can do for my dad. There are lots of different chemos and options. I think my mom may take my dad down to Madison for a second opinion.

After me and my mom and dad had a good cry, we played Wii bowling. Had a lot of laughs, and a good time. I think that is the best medicine. By the time I left their house, I had forgotten why I was there.

We all just need to keep praying and thinking positive thoughts. Of course my dad has a stellar attitude and doesn't let on at all that he is scared or anything. In some ways I think that is good.

I'm just a little angry and bitter right now. Why do bad things seem to happen to good people? We believe in god, we pray, we do onto others as we would want done to us, we are sympathetic, we are good people! That's what makes me the most mad. I know in the big scheme of things - god has a much larger plan for us. And this too is in god's hands. I don't know what's worse - having your loved one die suddenly without any warning, or going through the agonies of knowing months or years ahead of time? I am trying to figure that out right now. I can tell you one thing, I value every minute with my dad right now. I try to observe every laugh line in his face, every look he makes, his feel of his skin when he hugs me, his voice when he tells me everything will be okay. I try to take it all in.