Dad will be having a procedure today at 2:00 to try to drain an abcess. We are not sure if it is really an abcess, or part of the tumor. If it is part of the tumor, it grew significantly.
Today has been really hard. We realize now that my dad is dying. We just keep praying to all of our angels above, that when it is time, please take my dad fast. I don't want him to suffer.
Last night my dad thought he died. He woke up in the hospital, and it was dark and no one was around. He started to scream. It makes me really sad and it hurts my heart to know how scared my dad is to die. Right now he is napping, and he said he feels better napping with us here, because he is not so scared of not waking up when we are here.
Overall he is doing much better. He looks and sounds 95% better then the last time I saw him. We are hoping that he will be able to go home tomorrow. His onocologist is in Israel right now for the holidays, so we will not know until next week how bad the cancer has grown.
As I type this I am watching him sleep. He looks so peacful. I keep wondering if this how it is going to be when he dies. Will he look so peacful? It's so hard to imagine, but I need to keep preparing myself for it. I feel if I do that, it won't be so hard when it happens. Although I know it will be.
I just keep trying to enjoy the time I have left with him.
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