Thursday, October 15, 2009

Update

We did not get good news today. The onocologist has said that my dad's cancer has grown, and it's really not that good. He will be starting on the pill form of chemo next week. I just have such a mix of emotions right now. I feel defeated. I feel angry and bitter. I feel devastated and sad. I feel desperate. I know my dad is so depressed right now. I think he has lost his positive outlook and has begun to realize he will not be able to continue to do the things that he loves to do so much. I'm trying to get my emotions in check and my composure together. I have missed so much work lately with him being in the hospital, and with doctor appointment, but how do I concentrate on work? It all seems so trivial to what he is going through.

On another note, I had my doctor appointment today. My amniotic fluid is on the low side. I have an appointment on Monday for a non-stress test and another ultrasound. They'll decide after that what to do. The baby may be coming a week earlier then thought. I am trying to be excited for the baby's arrival, but it is so hard when it is overshadowed by the bad news and all of the concern, worries, and raw emotions I am going through over my dad.

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