Tonight was honestly one of the worse, hardest nights of my life. Nothing prepared me for how bad my dad looked. In less than 24 hours - I cannot believe how horrible he looks. If I wouldn't know it was my dad, I wouldn't recognize him. Yesterday he wasn't on so much morphine, or in so much pain. He just twitches and stares into space. My mom told me not too be scared, that it is the morphine making him do that. My mom is an honest to god saint. I don't know how she does it. I know that once my dad is gone, and her role as caretaker is over, this is going to hit her very bad. Anyone reading this that knows my mom, please be there for her the next year of her life. I know from experience, that after your loved one dies, and the hustle bustle settles down, people tend to forget that that is when they need friends and family the most.

It's 11p.m., and I felt bad leaving my mom alone. That has to be so scary.When I was there my dad had an accident, and me and my mom were trying to change him. It was a horrendous experience. Never would I have thought that my dad would be so doped up, that he wouldn't mind his daughter changing him. It was horrible. But I did it because I love him so much. He was in so much pain when we were trying to role him over. I was trying to lift him up, and he was just looking into my eyes in so much pain. I tried talking to him, reminding him of good times, trying to get his mind off the pain.

I pretty much know that any sort of sleep is out of the question for me tonight. Every time I close my eyes, I am haunted by my dad's frail, fragile body, and his gaunt eyes looking back at me.

Me and my mom were listening to different songs tonight, trying to pick out music for my dad's funeral. What a surreal experience. The funeral is going to be so hard. He planned his funeral, I have his obituary wrote - and not it is just a waiting game. All I can say is how surreal it is. It seems like it should be a nightmare.