It occured to me today, that last year at this time, my life was still "normal". My dad was still healthy (in a sense, but was not yet diagnosed with cancer). It's amazing how fast life as you know it can really change. If you would have told me last year at this time that my dad would be dying of cancer, and I would have a brand new baby girl, I would not have believed you. I close my eyes, and try to go back to the time when my dad was healthy. We were all so happy. This past year has been very trying and emotional for us all. I can't even imagine what my mom is going through. Yes, it's my dad - but this is her life partner, husband, and best friend.

I get to go spend the day with my dad again tomorrow. As hard as those days are - seeing him so sick and frail, I have truly come to treasure them. I have told my dad things and have had conversations with him that I never thought possible.

As the days pass by, I wonder how much longer before my dad's health takes a turn for the worse. I guess today he has a small fever. I know what looms ahead, and I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Everyday I call my mom for the status report on my dad. Waiting to hear the bad news that he is significantly worse. I am a little scared that something major will happen when I am with him alone. I think it is the anticipation of everything that is the scariest.