Today is Wednesday, which means it is my day to take care of my dad. Even though I am use to him being so sick, it is still a punch in my stomach everytime I walk in and see my dad laying in his hospital bed. My heart aches so much today seeing him like this. Little by little, this horrific disease is taking my dad. It's so hard to remember the times when my dad was not sick. Yesterday I was digging through pictures of my dad, and I didn't even remember him looking like that. I have gotten so use to seeing him look sick and gaunt, that I hardly remember what he looked like healthy. I hope that after he is gone, that these bad memories dissapate, and the good memories come back. I don't want to remember him like this.
I find myself just holding his hand and watching him sleep, while I silently weep beside him. This is by far the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. No one should ever have to watch a loved one wither away like this. It's gotten to the point that I dread coming here on Wednesdays. But I can't give up. My dad has always been there for me, and now when he needs me most, I will be here for him. No matter how hard it is. I am trying to cherish the time I have left with him. But I am also praying to God to just take him quickly now.
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