Today was another very long, very emotionally exhausting, very sad day. I went to church, and had two melt downs in church. I was suppose to go visit my mom and dad, but my mom called to say they were going to the ER. My dad's drain was draining every where, and my dad couldn't pee. I guess he was up every 5 minutes last night.
When my mom tried loading him into the car, my dad's whole left side went numb. Thank god my uncle was there to help my mom load him into the car. I met my mom in the ER, and my dad just looked miserable.
They put a cath in him, and he had 1400 cc's in him that came out. I guess that is a lot. They did an MRI to make sure the cancer did not spread to his brain, or that he had a stroke. The MRI came back good. They said he could be having mini strokes that are not showing up. They said the abcess could be getting so big that it is blocking his urine flow. He just really needs to have his perforated colon fixed as soon as possible. Both him and my mom are very sad to be back in the hospital, but we know it is the best place for him to be.
My pastor came up to the hospital by me and my mom. It was very good to have him there. He is very comforting. When I hugged him in church I told him I just don't know what to pray for anymore. Do I pray for a miracle? Do I pray for more time? Do I pray for him not to suffer anymore? He said we still need to ask god to heal him. So that is what I will continue to do.
My dad still has fight and hope in him. I can see it in his face and his attitude. He is not giving up, so I will not give up on him. I will pray, and pray, and pray. That is all that I can do at this point. I have had to dig deep into my faith in god. I really enjoyed church today, and have made it my resolution in 2010 to strengthen my relationship with god.
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