Harder as time goes on

So I am feeling the loss of my dad more than ever. The last two weeks have been really hard. I find myself crying at random times. This week I started crying during meditation time at yoga. I am just so sad. I think it is hitting me so hard now for two reasons. The first reason being I am starting to miss his presence even more, and the second being, that for the first time since my dad passed away, I am allowing myself to feel. Instead of blocking out the feelings, memories, and emotions, I am letting them in and out. It's hard. I wish I could feel his presence, and I wish I could know that he is okay. I hardly even dream about him. I wish I could have a dream where I could see his face and smile again. It's just so hard to fathom not ever seeing him again in this lifetime. He was such a wonderful man. I just hope that I am making him proud (here come the tears again)! I think back to my Eulogy I gave about him at his funeral. I know he would have been very proud of me in that moment. I turned a church full of crying people, into a church full of laughing people. I can just hear him say "that's my girl".