As we get ready to put 2010 behind us, I find myself reflecting on the past year. It's been a tough one. 2010 is a year that I will always remember - but unfortunately I'll remember it as the year that I lost my dad.
We've all gone through so many changes and transformations in the last year. We've experience so many firsts without my dad. Macey's first birthday, my 30th birthday - and the first without my dad calling to sing to me - the first labor day without my dad at the pond, the first holidays without buying him gifts, or having him there.
2010 has been very sad in all of those respects, but it has also been happy in many ways. Most of all we have to remember that we survived loosing my dad. Although extremly difficult, we made it through. Loosing someone so beloved can potentially ruin people, and spoil their attitude towards life. I am so proud of my family for embracing my dad's death as a time to make us all stronger and closer.
I am so proud of my mom for embracing being able to love someone new. Although Jerry will never be my dad, we are happy that he makes my mom happy.
I am so proud of my sister. 2011 is going to bring big change to her. She is going back to school after loosing her job. She is going to be the first one in our family with a Bachelor's degree. My dad would be so proud of her.
I am proud of myself for using my dad's death as a time to become closer to God. I may not go to church every week, but the experience has definetly left me seeking deep within my soul for answers, peace, and forgiveness for all of the miracles that were unanswered.
I continue to relate to you as the weeks pass-- but for more reasons now than just grief, luckily! My mom's death also made my family stronger and closer; not that we weren't before, but we had to close the huge gap that my mom filled and come together... My dad is also seeing someone, and I am happy that he is happy. My brother is resistant, but if he heard my dad cry every day on the phone for a year, I know he would agree with me. He seems to finally be coming around. I also am making an attempt at enhancing my relationship with God. My mom held on to her faith with all her might, and it's something I wish I could have shared with her, but I never gave it a second thought at the time. I find comfort in knowing she is being taken care of now... and with the dreams I have about her telling me how great He is, I can't help but believe her :-)
ReplyDeleteI so enjoy your comments Sami!!!
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