As Christmas gets nearer and nearer - it just reminds me even more that this will be our first Christmas without dad here. I was wrapping a present this week, and the gift bag I was using was recycled from a previous Christmas. On the tag it said - Love mom and dad. It was an instant reminder that there would be no gifts for or from dad this year.

My mom had a hard time decorating the tree this year. A lot of her ornaments are homemade from us as kids - and a lot have all of our names on them - even my dad's. So that was a reminder to her that my dad is not here this year either.

I still plan to make the best of this Christmas. Last year was the worse Christmas possible. My dad got admitted the day after Christmas because his bowel reperforated. Christmas was spent tending to my dad, and panicking, and wondering if we should bring him to the ER. He was also really out of it, and didn't know where we were or who he was.

So because of that, I plan to make it the best Christmas possible. I am sure there will be tears and sadness, but I want it to also be happy. I know dad is there with us in spirit. How awesome for him - he gets to spend his first Christmas in Heaven. He gets to spend it with his brother Jerry, and grandbaby. I can only imagine what all of the christmas lights look like from up in Heaven. Yes - I know he'll be smiling down on us, and sending us lots of warm fuzzy memories all day.