I went to little Devin's wake last night. It was very hard seeing him lie in that casket. And what do you say to the parents? There is nothing you can say except your sorry for thier loss.
I have been grappling since last Thursday on why God would take this little boy. I've come to the realization that we'll never know why. Only God knows why. We just need to trust in God and understand he loves us, and doesn't do this to us to hurt us.
Devin's organs were donated to four special children. And maybe that was his purpose in this life. To be a hero and save four other children's lives. It is sad he had to die, in order for other children to live.
Macey got sent home from daycare last night with a fever and rash. I panicked and freaked out. After rushing her to the doctor, the reassured me that she would be ok -and put her on antibiotics for an ear infection. But seriously, could there be a worse time for one of my kids to get sick? I am going to be a wreck and a freak for a long time. Unfortunately any little fever is going to warrant a doctor's visit in my book.
My heart just feels so heavy. I know a lot of it is the sudden death of Devin. I know a lot of it is the time of year. My dad loved this time of year. Loved deer hunting. Last year at this time we were preparing for what we all figured would be our last Thanksgiving together. It doesn't seem right that my dad will not be at another Thanksgiving dinner. God, does this ever get easier?? I am waiting for the day that I am not constantly saddened by missing my dad.
Nicole,
ReplyDeleteMy roommate was tested for meningitis Sunday after being rushed to the ER. My heart sank when I heard that because I remembered your post about Devin. Luckily, she tested negatively for it and they wrote it off as a severe migraine that made her unable to see anything or feel her body. Talk about stressful. I hope they are right.
I am about to begin my third year without my mom as of Dec 2. Thanksgiving 2007 was the last time my little 4 member family was complete. For me, my brother, and dad, our first Thanksgiving without her was more awkward than anything else. We were all sad, but carried on like nothing was weird or like no one was missing. We talk about her all the time, but that day it was like we just wanted to get through it to show ourselves that it was possible. And now we dread it a little less, smile a little more, and remember the times we were happy and healthy together-- because those are the times most worth remembering.
Thinking of you, your family & our angels during this holiday.
Sami xo