Tuesday, February 21, 2012

2 years ago today

2 years ago today....I lost my dad. I lost a friend. I lost a link to my past. I lost a role model. I lost my hero. I lost a peice of me. I lost a piece of normalcy. I lost him. I lost so much more than him.

2 years ago today....I started a journey in this world without my dad. It has been a learning process. Somedays, I block out thinking about him, because it is still so painful. I still think of how unfair it was. Nobody should have to go through that in their last weeks of life. I still think of how much he taught me. He taught me how to live, and then he showed me how to die. I can only hope that I have that much faith, hope, and dignity on my deathbed someday. He never doubted for a minute where he was going. That gave me so much faith. That is the one thing that got me through the horrendous experience. Knowing where my dad was going, and how magical it was going to be when he got there.

On days where my heart literally hurts and feels like it is being torn in half because I miss him so much, I try to remember how I felt the moment he took his last breath before my eyes. I try to remember how peacfull it was. How we were so relieved he wasn't in any pain. How we knew he was standing at the gates of heaven. How we all truly felt in our hearts that we would be together someday in heaven again.

I only allow myself a few days of reflection like this. One of the days is today. I want to treat it like a normal day. But it isn't. It is a day that forever changed me. In bad ways..but in some good ways too.

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