God Chooses a Mom for a Disabled Child

by Erma Bombeck

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures, and a couple by habit. This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen ? Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth; son; patron saint, Matthew."

"Forrester, Marjorie; daughter; patron saint, Cecelia."

"Rudledge, Carrie; twins; patron saint... give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."

Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child."

The angel is curious. "Why this one, God ? She's so happy."

"Exactly," smiles God.

"Could I give a handicapped child a mother who does not know laughter ? That would be cruel."
"But has she patience ?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it. I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independance. She'll have to teach the child to live in her world and that's not going to be easy."

"But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."

God smiles. "No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness."

The angel gasps, "Selfishness ? Is that a virtue ?"

God nods. "If she can't seperate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, there is a woman I will bless with a child less then perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a 'spoken word.' She will never consider a 'step' ordinary. When her child says 'Momma' for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and know it ! When she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations.

"I will permit her to see clearly the things I see --- ignorance, cruelty, prejudice --- and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."

"And what about her patron saint ?" asks the angel, his pen poised in midair.

God smiles. " A mirror will suffice."

Test Results

I had my ultrasound for baby Onesti on 6/9/09. Everything looked great - but the doctor did find an echogenic focus on the heart. It causes the baby no harm, and usually goes away on it's own. Basically it is a calcium deposit. I was told that this is a soft marker for down syndrome.
Even though it is considered a "very soft marker" and my nuchal translucency scan came back fine in the first trimester, I freaked out and opted to have the quad screen blood test done.

Usually for my age, they put the odds of down syndrome at 1 in 270. Because of me having a child with down syndrome, they put my odds at 1 in 100, or 1%. I took the blood test and had to wait 6 very long days to get the results. Once I did take the blood test, I almost immediately regretted doing so. Here I am again, stressing out over anticipated results.

I thought the results would come back a little high - but I was thinking more like 1 in 75. I got the call on 6/15 that the results were indeed high for down syndrome - with a 1 in 25 chance. Of course I took the news bad. Just because I was so angry that this was happening to me again. I felt shocked and blind sighted again. I also did not know what I should do - if I should have the amnio and find out for sure, or just let it in god's hands. I was dreading telling Jason.

Jason's reaction was completely awesome. He said that we should not get the test. He said we are going to love this baby no matter what, and we can't change the outcome, so why take the test? I agreed with him - even though I know it will bother me for the next 4 months not knowing.

We've decided to tell a very select few about these results. We really don't want people to worry and that to overshadow this pregnancy.

I am just putting everything in god's hands. Whatever happens, happens. Whatever god wants for us - we will get. If it is down syndrome, this is what god obviously wants for us. I've really had to dig deep into my faith the last few days. But I feel at ease with our decision not to test.

I have a big giant note on my white board at work that says - Worrying is like paying a debt before it's due. 96%!

I am really trying to focus on the 96% chance everything is okay!!!